Seven pieces of "wisdom" senior women wish they had ignored

Meet Dana, a stand-in name. She's a composite, not a real member or client. At 46 she's a senior vice president, sitting across from a 31-year-old manager on her team who has just asked what Carla was asked at that age: "What's the one piece of advice you'd give me?"

Dana has hit a wall. The guidance she got at 31 came from senior people who meant well and were mistaken, and she took every bit of it to heart. Now she has to choose which piece did the most harm, so she can warn the manager about that one first. Seven items made the list, and three still make her bristle.

Route A Keep your head down and let the numbers you produce speak on your behalf.

The cost: outcomes rarely get noticed on their own. People do, and in Carla's situation the one doing the talking was her boss, who took credit for her work for four years. During that stretch she earned one promotion. He earned two. According to McKinsey and LeanIn's 2025 findings, just 31% of women starting out in their careers in Central Indiana have a sponsor, while 45% of men do. Keeping your head down is a quick way to land in the other 69%.

Route B Hold off on applying for a role until you can tick every last requirement on the posting.

The price: six openings she passed on between ages 33 and 40. Tara Mohr's survey for Harvard Business Review found that women tend to skip roles they feel underqualified for mostly because they read the posted requirements as hard rules, not because they lack confidence. Carla treated them as rules. The men who landed those six jobs treated them as wish lists.

Route C Be thankful for whatever opportunity comes your way

The price: she thanked every employer at each offer, which meant she accepted every opening number put in front of her. Research from Berkeley Haas in 2023 showed that 54% of women bargained over their latest job offer, versus 44% of men, yet women still walked away with lower pay. Gratitude is a feeling, not a pay strategy, and the people urging her to feel it weren't the ones writing the paychecks.

What veteran leaders in Indy say

Four other tips come up every time senior women swap stories. "Wait your turn" assumes there's a queue and that someone is managing it. "Don't come across as too ambitious" is something no man over 40 has ever heard at a performance review. "Just be yourself" is empty advice without its second half: "and figure out what that costs in this company." And the one senior women most often rank as worst: "If you're good, they'll notice." They will notice. They won't necessarily act on it, and the distance between being noticed and being promoted is where a decade slips away.

Many of the senior leaders also offer a gentler perspective. Nobody who handed her this counsel intended it to hurt her. These pieces of advice came from people who reached their positions along an entirely different path and simply presumed that path would still be available. The advice isn't a lie. It's a map that's gone out of date.

Closing verdict

Your answer hinges on the age you were at 31. If you were already outspoken, "head down" won't hold you back for long. Should you already lean toward caution, insisting on "every requirement" may hurt you most, since you'll adhere to it flawlessly. Carla passes along to her team the guidance she once needed herself: "Don't count on anyone tracking your wins for you, so track them yourself."

Voting slip

Which of the three options would have hurt you most: A, B or C? Send your letter to the Indianapolis chapter and we'll publish the results next month. If the worst advice you received isn't included here, feel free to send that along as well. We capped the list at seven simply because that's the number that fits on the page.